12/20 of the way through my Hundred Days and I’m not sure it’s having the intended effect. I suppose I’m getting stronger, so that’s good, but I’m having a mid-hundred day crisis about just how much of a better person all this ‘upping is making me.
To make it worse, the feelings of negativity and self-doubt came smack in the middle of Love Week.
Perhaps I thought this project would be a quick-fix for all my shortcomings, and I would just generally become better – in all areas of my life: work ethic, grooming, musical ability, generosity, hand-eye coordination, orienteering and so on. It seems that those expectations may have been unrealistic.
Regardless, I’m sticking with it. I think this is the ‘Wall‘ athletes talk about.
Us athletes. Me and other people dedicated to the pursuit of physical excellence.
Precious few. In fact, just one.
The highlight of this 10-day stretch is when I had the opportunity to participate in Love Week. Not using my inner monologue to convince myself I love doing press ups and sit ups while doing sit ups and press ups, but actually feel some love.
Other participants have been writing stories, drawing comics, making love-themed book art and even walking a heart-shaped route around their neighborhood. I’ve been doing my press and sit ups every day mostly with weary resignation.
But on Day 56, after heaving my way through my ‘ups, I went to the London Buddhist Centre for their lunchtime drop-in meditation.
I joined the rest of the beginners in the small, warm-hued room, stacked myself some sitting cushions and did myself some Metta Bhavana meditation.
Metta Bhavana loosely translates as ‘loving kindness’. It’s a practice that stimulates positive energy and love for self, others, the universe, and for the final forty days. Afterwards, I felt better. And I think, in some small way, I made the universe a better place.
I plan to tie my ‘upping to further meditation sessions, and thus eradicate my negative feelings and boost my betterness.
I gotta good feeling about this.
NOTE: I haven’t been keeping up on my ‘tours’ of other projects. Not since my lists anyway. The accent exercise hasn’t really worked, and it’s petered out.
But this week I’m back at it. Drawing. As in, finishing my “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain” book. I’ve been stalled halfway through for about fourteen months.
Going to make the final (pencil) push these 10 days. I’ll let you know how it goes.