ENGLAND-0 0-PORTUGAL
(PORTUGAL WINS ON PENALTY SHOTS. BECAUSE ENGLAND SUCKS)

So I watched this game with Evan Cornish. And through our rivalry I supported, marginally, Portugal. But truly I wanted England to win. Not the whole WC, but this game at least, because those lads deserved it.
But they couldn-t fucking do it.
Wayne “Oh Jesus, I hope he’s fit in time. Our entire chances of winning the World Cup depend on his fitness” Rooney. Played for only the first half. But was shown a straight red card in the 62nd minute, for needlessly and stupidly stomping on Ricardo Carvallho’s nuts. What a shitbag. Glad he wasn’t captain of my Fantasy Football team.

Anyway, England battled with drive, desire and determination for the next hour, and fought for the draw. So to penalty shoot-out it went. And Portuguese goalie Ricardo saved 3 of 4 England shots. Lampard, Gerrard, and Carragher: you guys suck. Owen Hargreaves, much maligned Canadian from Calgary, was the only England player to score in the shoot-out.

And so Portugal, and their villain (at least to the English, and anti-date rape groups) C. Ronaldo got ot the semis.