Find The Goose

I don’t think it’s too soon to talk about this, but it may be…

So without going into aaaaallllll the details, some of The Boys had organized a send-off for me a couple nights nigh departure in Vancouver. I had no idea what to expect, knowing only that Geordie and Brad were in charge, which left me a little worried, but certainly excited for an adventure of some sort. When i got to Brad’s we had a glass of scotch and relaxed. Then Geordie and Jamie showed up, and i was politely asked to strip naked. Then i was given a choice of two pills. Yes, like Neo. Only I was instructed to put mine up my ass. Much more futuristic, i think. This i did. Then i was tied up and blindfolded. Fortunately the blindfold was redundant because Brad instructed me to wear my glasses, not my contacts, and so when those were taken away i was already pretty fucking blind. and vulnerable. and scared. and cold (except for the sweet salubrious scotch).
Then i was carried out of the door and down the stairs (hitting my head only once), and thrown into the backseat of Geordie’s car, where i languished to the rocking thrums of Canadian rock for the better part of an hour.
Then i was hauled out of the car, by my friends, who had now devised a syatem for doing so. Then i sat on a wooden dock. I could tell it was a dock because of the seasaltiness of the air and I could hear the knocking of a boat. I had earlier had insider information that i was going to be taken to Grey Rocks Island, home of Captain Lucas Brontz, but for the sake of a good story* It was then that I realized I was going to Grey Rocks.

In the distance I could hear some chanting and rythmic thumping. The chant sounded like “Bind the Moose! Stump the Moose!” But it was too muffled to clearly make it out. After being unceremoniously tossed (gently) into the boat I enjoyed the cold seabreeze for a few long moments, as the cryptic chant also confronted my ears.

When I arrived on the island I was hoisted onto the shoulders of some bodies belonging to familiar voices. I was then carried to the cold deck and laid down, while secret planning happened. A circle happened around me, I was still trussed up. Every person in turn came and smacked a cold wet dirty hand on me (imprinting me with a clay handprint I later learned) and said something nice and something not nice. A humbling and sweet part of the celebration, as I acknowledged yes I have flirted with Ryan Beil’s mom (only a little) and yes, I do overact a bit for the camera. But also there’s good things about me too, it’s nice to be appreciated.

After this I was finally free of my bonds and the blindfold was removed. Of course due to my remarkably poor eyesight, I was still unable to see. Then my mission was announced : “Find the goose, confront the goose.” Now it all made sense. Sort of.

I did find the geese. Stumbling in the dark. And no they weren’t geese shaped planter with a bottle of champagne inside. Or some sort of goose-puzzle for me to find. These were real live angry geese and I was blindly squinting trying to figure out what they were doing. My lack of vision was compensated by the fact I could just follow the hissing. Finally after nearly getting stabbed in the face with a goose beak, we called that part of the evening quits and enjoyed some mantime half naked by the fire smoking joints and drinking beer.

There was a solid crew of good friends and we enjoyed a party well into the evening hours before driving home to the smooth haunting sounds of Canada’s own Tragically Hip, Day for Night.

2017-09-14T08:44:33+00:00 May 17 2005|