Grizzly Holidays

Tomorrow I will wrestle a grizzly bear, and let him (or her) win, because that is the spirit of the holidays.

First I’ll need to find a grizzly bear. One that is not hibernating, because hibernating bears are actually not that scary. However, if I do find a hibernating bear and wake him up, he will be seriously pissed. So much the better.

Failing that, I may have to settle for someone wearing a bear suit. If I’m lucky, the bear suit will have hard plastic claws. At least then I will sport some ferocious scratches. If I must wake this person up and force him into a bear suit he will surely be angry enough to attack.

Once suitably antagonized the bear will become blind with rage. Whether it is an actual bear, or a human in a bear suit ‘blind rage’ is a guaranteed response to bear-directed antagonism. Especially if aforementioned bear is antagonized from a sound sleep.

Then, as mentioned, I will let the bear win. With this single gesture of goodwill I expect to receive a mountain of presents and sympathy cards to keep me comfortable and loved during the holidays.

2017-09-14T08:44:15+00:00 December 7 2007|