Note to Self

Bring your passport eveywhere you go in a foreign country.

Because then the chances of getting accosted by Italian State Police while doing your somewhat illegal habit of offering free tours to tourists is greatly diminished.

And if that doesn’t happen, or if it does happen and you can produce documents there on the spot, well you won’t get taken to the first of three police stations where they hold you for an hour. They won’t explain what’s happening, but they will give you chocolate.

Then you could get taken to another Police Station for further processing. They won’t explain there either, but you may get another candy. Also the feeling of dread will still be in the pit of your stomach, but begin to numb.

Finally you’d get taken outside of town in an unmarked police car at high speed with the siren frequently blaring where you’ll be forced to wait in a holding cell at the immigration detention centre. Fortunately, the accompanying officers will likely be molto simpatici bravi ragazzi who will look after you taking you to get coffee and water and even allowing you outside though you should technically be locked in the cell.

They might even tell you cool Italian police stories and flip through your GQ magazine with Will Ferrell on the cover.

The bad news is you’ll get fingerprinted and mug shotted and have to hang out in that cell all fucking day.

And even though your new cop friends are watching you when you’ve gone upstairs for your final processing, it won’t make you feel that much better while you’re hanging out in that second cell, this time with door closed, and a guy that’s missing a thumb and another with alot of knife slashes on his arms lurking around zombie-like. It’ll be like any scene from the movies where the lovable and dorky protagonist gets taken to the overnight holding cell. That comically scary.

And even though you won’t stay overnight, you’ll still feel like shit afterwards.

I know, it happened to a friend of mine.

2006-07-06T23:31:00+00:00 July 6 2006|