Office drudgery got you down? Mired in the doldrums of humdrum banality? Maybe you need a peptalk from a motivational-minded manager. Something like this:

“Alright, it’s blue sky thinking time. We need to quit trying to stuff ten pounds of crap into a five pound sack. The right approach isn’t ready, fire, aim… we’ve got to eat this elephant one bite at a time! The fact is: 9 women can’t make a baby in 1 month!

“So, I want us to be proactive, not reactive. Let’s push the envelope outside the box so we can fast track this thing right to bed.”

Cries of protest.

“Everyone, please, for the love of lunch… don’t try to backpedal around the roses. I’m going to push back on all this dipsy-doodle, I’m tired of trying to herd cats.”

Awkward silence.

“C’mon team! Put on your thinking caps and go that extra mile. I don’t think I need to beat anyone over the head with a clue by four. It’s obvious: we need to move the goal posts! We’re not trying to boil the ocean here.”

Meaningful pause.

“Thank you Sam. That is a great idea. Did everybody hear that? We are going to develop a metric to benchmark the skill sets. The triple bottom line here is synergy! I want to tick all the boxes.”

“Ali, you take point on this tiger team. Let’s touch base on the game plan tomorrow. Get outta here.”

Has the buzzword heavy scenario above got you all psyched up? Then take it one step further and play Lingo Bingo.

Print out a list at Potfire, Sippey, or Hobotraveler and bring it to your next meeting. When you hear 5 buzzwords you get to shout BINGO! Go on, give it a try.

This jargon drive actually originates not from my office, but from my improv workshop on the weekend. The last thing we did on Sunday was play a game called Slide Show. I hosted and the participants were the characters in my slides. The suggestion was a trip to New York.

The host-character was an asshole executive talking about a very impressive business trip. The self-important blather and condescending attitude were a whole lot of fun to play.

Quite frankly, I like this character. He just needs to learn how to talk the talk of a self-aggrandizing, buzzword-happy hotshot. Fortunately there are so many resources out there to help this fictive character (and myself, and you) develop into a competent jargon-user.

Improv workshop was great, by the way. We were six participants, all told, and we got from Point A to Point C. With alot of laughs along the way. I’m looking forward to next week. Including Sunday night show! I think it will be a strategic fit. Leverage! Synergy! Crunchtime!