Raw Deal – a playlet

The following is a 500 word standalone two-hander scene I wrote for my application to The Central school of Speech and Drama’s Writing for Stage and Broadcast Media Programme.

For the record I was given an interview, which I couldn’t make. I emailed them to ask for an alternative date and they never replied. The end.

Raw Deal

Lights up. Two men at a table.

Gary: Do you have the-

Frank: Of course I’ve got the stuff! What the fuck, man?

Gary: Good. We just need to be sure.

Frank: Need to be sure? What the-? This is fucking bullshit! I oughta go batshit-crazy up in this motherfucker!

Gary: Hey man, chill out a little bit, this isn’t a, uh, Tarantino flick. This is real-life.

Gary:Hey! Fuck you man. You doubting my cred? I will rape your face!

Gary: Frank. Time out. It’s me, Gary. Not Jimmy Two-Shirt. We are rehearsing. This is a dry-run.

Frank: Don’t fucking pull this shit on me man! You wearing a wire? Huh? This some sorta fucking set-up?

Gary: Sit down. Shut up. Relax. You’re not even remotely believable. If you’re gonna pull this off, you need to be hard, but cool. Convincing.

Frank: Wha-? Oh. OK. Sorry.

Gary: Look man, you got us into this mess. You have to get us out of it. That’s agreed. But you’ve got a warped perspective of this lifestyle.

Frank: What do you mean?

Gary: It’s not all witty obscene dialogue and jump cuts. This is real. This is my life. Look, we’ve been friends a long time. But I been doing this shit alot longer. That cock-up, getting taken on your first buy – that was bush league. That was flyweight.

Frank: Gimme a break man. That was weeks ago.

Gary: Yeah, it was. But here we are, two weeks later, and all that money is still gone.

Frank: I’m gonna set this right with you.

Gary: You better. Because otherwise we’re both dead. If I get killed, I’m gonna take you with me.

Frank: I said I was sorry. And I am.

Gary: I know. I know.

Frank: I will make this right.

Gary: I know you will.

Frank: Right.

Gary: Yesterday, for example, you were aces. I said as much to Big Man. He was impressed

Frank: Really? Awesome.

Gary: Yeah, really. Cuz he doesn’t know you lost 6,000 of his dollars.

Frank: And he never will. After I scoot in there, go all Scarface- no, all Taxi Driver up in the joint. We’ll be even-up… I take back what they took. Jungle law, and all that. I’ll be squares. Seriously: I will buy you dinner tonight. I owe you that.

Gary: Fucking rights you do. Thanks. Look, let’s run through this again.

Frank: Alright, I go in there.

Gary: Where?

Frank: Pablo’s. On fourth. Side door. I say I’m looking for Punchy Walnuts.

Gary: Then what?

Frank: They take me upstairs…

Gary: And?

Frank: And I pull a motherfuckin’ Joe Pesci Goodfellas. Then I whip this ultra-realistic weapon out of my backpack, and stick them the FUCK UP!

Gary: Yes! Yes you do. Aces. Now go get them. You’re the man!

They have a short awkward embrace. Frank Leaves. Gary waits, pulls out his mobile phone. Dials a number.

Gary: Hey. It’s done. Wanna go get some dinner?

2017-09-14T08:44:02+00:00 May 14 2009|