It’s so shitty that science has totally monopolized the concept of ‘museum.’ Particularly in America.

If American kids wanted to go somewhere to be fascinated by the marvels of nature and history they previously would’ve had to go and be brainwashed at someplace like the Museum of Natural History or the Smithsonian. Admittedly fascinating, science can also be very frustratingly short on ‘Answers’.

There’s so many points of view, papers, theories and telescopes, mathematical equations, and intense rational speculation based on ongoing empirical research and physical evidence that it all inevitably leads to a number of different (and evolving) ideas about the origin of planet Earth. And the origin and development of life on this planet. Yawn.

Fortunately the impressionable young now have the Creation Museum, where they can go see dinosaurs and zebras in the Garden of Eden hanging out with Adam and Eve.

Dinosaurs? Zebras?

Well, d’uh! How could millions of years separate these animals if God made them all in six days? You want answers, instead of all that speculation and reasoning goobledygook? The Creation Museum is for YOU!

In this very special place visitors can learn about these mega-awesome six days I would go so far as to call the best six days EVER! In these six days God whipped up light, dark, existence, planet Earth, and all life forms, before kicking back to take a well-deserved day off on Sunday.

Speaking of Sunday: Middle-American children and their ignorant parents should take pains not to be ignorant of the museum’s schedule: do NOT plan on coming here on Sunday. Naturally Sunday will be spent in God’s house, thanking him for the 40 day-and-night flood which gave us such awesome natural monuments as the Grand Canyon and Mt. Everest. Obviously those massive rock structures could only be formed during weeks of kick-ass rainstorms. The ‘hydrology of instant canyon-making’, conspicuously absent from other museums, finally gets its due here.

Like any good museum, the Creation Museum, and its parent organization Answers in Genesis, employ researchers. The Creation Museum’s researchers bustle around behind the scenes, tackling such pressing questions as: “What kind of fruit did the snake offer to Eve?” And, “What form will The Rapture take?”

Best of all, this alternative museum doesn’t suffer from the same funding problems known to plague other educational institutes. They managed to open the $27m complex without a penny of debt. Of course, you can’t really put a price on this type of educational experience, but the good people have had to: just $20 a head.

I know, cheap right?

In fact, so compelling is this museum, and so affordable the price, that the Creation Museum has more than doubled attendance projections, vaulting it onto Time’s 10 Biggest Religion Stories list.

With a massive hyper-popular exhibit charging $20 a pop you can be assured that Creationism can further validate and fund its position.

Floods of Cash!

God Bless America!

Earth=6,000 years old!